When you get overwhelming feeling to just quit and disappear from everything:

No one likes you
Everyone hates you
You're going to lose

Shattered trust

With her angelic eyes, she still looks at me with the love only a goddess can give. She gazes into my eyes, reaching from her to soul to mine to fully bring to the light the love that once stood as our northern star, directing the paths of our lives. I see it every time I lose myself in her eyes. The love that once was, shackled behind the lies and deceit that I placed there.

I broke her trust.

I destroyed her ability to love me freely.

I am a monster trying to win back the love of a goddess, a love a do not deserve. But the only love I want filling my heart.

I will try and try until my goddess tells me otherwise. But I know of no story where the monster gets to be in love.

Would she even noticed  me tonight. Without a text, would she have noticed I had left. How long would it have taken for noticed. When would she have noticed I was gone? Maybe my obituary in the Saturday news?

Waking Heart

Everytime I wake up, from a night's sleep or a day nap, I always wake to disappointment. Everytime my eyes open, wiping the sleep away to a realization that my world is always empty.

My eyes will always open looking for you by my side. Where ever I'm at, regardless of time. My heart disires to see your face every time it wakes to this world.

Universal joke

"The most fucked up joke the universe will play on you is letting you meet the right person and the wrong time." That is the message she sent out to the world today. That is what I read, believing those words were meant for us, and how the universe itself is saying we are to be together, just not right now.

That is the message I wanted to believe. That is the idea I wanted to put my faith into. That is when my heart stopped. The words, lingering in my head made the obvious connection that I never paid attention. The idea that I was never meant to be her last love, just a catalyst to help her love again. Just a cog in the mechanism to help her see that her love was meant to be not during those early days.

I was just a guest appearance in the show of her life. To help her realize that she can find what was always there, once she forgives herself for her sins. Her heart was always meant for love, but it was always made for his love.

I wasn't meant to be her last love. I was meant to guide her to her first love.